The first few years after my divorce, I was focused on all the things that I didn’t have. I didn’t have a husband anymore, I didn’t have intimacy, I didn’t have a second income, I didn’t have the father of my children in the house sharing the responsibilities. I certainly didn’t have any self-esteem, I didn’t have a nice figure anymore (I just had a baby). I didn’t have my family around, they were all on the east coast and I was alllllll the way in UTAH for heavens sake! And one of the things I missed the most…I didn’t get to witness my husband love on his kids. It was a sad sight. All I did was complain, whine, and get angry about my unfortunate situation. I would ponder how I had gotten to such a place. I would revisit all the things that I had done wrong in the marriage and all the things my ex-husband screwed up on too. It was pitiful and quite frankly it was torture! I was the victim and I could not see any anything positive in my future whatsoever. While it is normal to grieve after a lose, I took it to new levels.
Gradually however, I started to evolve and change. I think what made me alter my course more than anything was the fact that I was getting tired of hearing my own sappy, Eeyore voice complain. I knew that I had to make adjustments and I desperately wanted to be happy. So I went to the drugstore, bought a big neon yellow poster board and I labeled the top: 10 Things I Am Grateful For. Let’s see if I can remember all ten of them:
1) I was healthy
2) My two children were healthy
3) I lived in picturesque, beautiful mountain country.
4) I had a family that loved me albeit they were far away…I had a telephone!
5) I had friends that cared deeply for me.
6) I was born in a country that allowed women to have opportunities.
7) I had a successful business.
8) I knew God loved me.
9) I had an education.
10) Nothing stays the same…time heals all wounds.
I hung the poster in my bathroom and I read through all 10 statements everyday. Gradually, my attitude started to change. It wasn’t magic, I didn’t instantly become this super content person overnight, but that poster marked the beginning of a new way of thinking for me. I realized that yes, there was much that I didn’t have, important things, but there was more that I DID have. Just having my physical health alone was a huge blessing and that was just the beginning. I made it a point to start focusing more on what I did have and cultivated a gratitude mentality. It’s amazing how that one tweak can move mountains.
So post-divorce tip #4: Focus on what you DO have instead of what you are lacking and be grateful for those blessings and see what amazing things start to happen for you. The Universe is alive and well and just as a parent feels the overwhelming urge to want to give their child more when they show gratitude and appreciation for the gifts they have been already given, so too will The Universe act in accordance for YOU. When you take care of, nurture, and appreciate what you already have, you will receive more of what you perceive you need and want.