I get it…you’re angry. I understand, you are sad. I realize you have all kinds of issues with regards to your ex-spouse. But you have to put aside those negative emotions and stay laser focused on what is best for your children. My children need me and my children require their dad in their lives too. It was hard, but I decided very early, in fact, before we were officially divorced that I was not going to be an obstacle in my children’s relationship with their dad. I had to mentally separate MY feelings about him from THEIR necessity. Our children did not ask for us to end our marriage, our children love both of us equally and frankly our children demand attention from both of us…IT IS THEIR BIRTHRIGHT!
As amazing a mother as I think I am or aspire to be, there are some things that I cannot fulfill for my children that their dad, as a man, is tailor made for. Studies have shown over and over again, that when children do not have a father figure, they suffer. Girls end up looking for that male, unconditional love outside the home and end up getting themselves in trouble and boys grow up frustrated and angry that they do not have a male role model. It’s all much more complicated so I have included a couple of fantastic articles on the subject below.
So my first tip regarding divorce is: Let your ex-spouse, in whatever capacity they are willing, have a relationship with your kids. I always tell my children, your dad and I are divorced, but we are still a family, just not in the same way as other families.
Divorce doesn’t have to be a death sentence for your kids or you for that matter. Don’t you be the reason your children grow up without a father. Foster and nurture that relationship regardless of how you feel about him. One of your main reasons for living (your kids) will thank you for it later and you will have grounded, confident, well rounded children as a result.
For more information on how not having a father around affects girls click on this link from the Huffington Post. The article is entitled Daddyless Daughters: How Growing Up Without A Father Affects A Woman’s Standards. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/13/daddyless-daughters-standards-mistake-define_n_3587142.html
And for how not having a father around emotionally impacts boys, check out this article entitled The Effect On Men That Grow Up Without A Father Figure. http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/effect-men-grow-up-father-figure-43045.html
Until my next post…with LOVE,